processing

I've done a bit of listening the past few days. Being home with a newborn offers time for that, unlike the rigamarole schedule I'll resume in a few weeks.  Boo.  Right this minute, at 7:21 am, I hear birds chirping, water flowing in our creek, the hum of the interstate miles away and every so often I hear the scuttle of a squirrel through the leaves.  Then I hear my heart.  Not pumping through my ears like I've completed a hard work out. No, not like that.  I can walk up the stairs and hear my heart pumping that hard.  I hear my spirit heart rejoicing. I get to sit on my porch and read God's word! My two babies are asleep and I have this glorious opportunity to write and think and listen.

After I posted the other day - "I am going to write a book and have it published!" - I had a deep thought. 
"What if I don't?"   Hmmm, will I still be happy with myself? Will I feel like I fell short of my goal? What if that isn't what God has planned for me? 

I kept going back to Proverbs 16:1 "People may make plans in their minds, but only the Lord can make them come true." Alrighty then. So that leaves me to say this, "God willing, I will write something and have it published." Or, "If it pleases God, then what I write will someday, somehow be published."

And then I think even more...what if it doesn't? What if I don't? I don't think having something published is going to drastically change my existence.  I know it wouldn't change my finances much. I'm not trying to be famous or popular. So why do I want to write? Why do I have this drive? Passion?

I don't know.  It is who I am. If I NEVER have anything published I will still write. I will still have my book of ideas by my bed. But I have an idea. I write because that is how I glorify God.  I don't sing well. (I can't say I don't sing because I do...very loudly) I don't teach Sunday school. I'm not a missionary. This is what I can do. This is how I express my love for a very loving Savior.  This is my love offering.  This is how I process the word, my thoughts, and life in general. 

I want to encourage each of my friends today to stop and listen.  Step outside and notice, despite the dreary Louisiana sky, the chartreuse buds peeking their faces from gray limbs.  I've already seen tulip trees, daffodils, and other clusters of color decorating our landscape. Stop and notice. Listen and give thanks.