What this looks like

My mind hops back and forth regularly between the joy of staying home with my girls, and the fear of what that means. Just being honest here, as usual, and I can't tell you that I'm eager to tighten the belt to make things work. I know they will. I know it will all work out. I know that Nick and I will be super proud once we get a handle on our new budget. I know. But Satan creeps in disguised as fear and leaves me anxious. And money isn't the only fear I have. What if I miss my job? What if I feel lonely?

So I've made the decision to beat fear. I am! Or rather, Christ in me will beat fear.

I regularly give myself pep-talks about being a rock star stay-at-home-mom! I've followed Kelle Hampton's blog for two years now, and those are some big footsteps to follow.  Now sometimes I get fidgety thinking, "I'm not enjoying the small things enough! We must go to the park, or the market, or Target NOW!"

That's what I've always done - found a role model for whatever it is I want to be, and followed them.  For the most part that has been a positive practice for me. In 8th grade, when the high school volleyball team came to visit and talk to us about club ball, I made the decision then and there to be like them. I wanted to be the tall, happy girl with the long ponytail that inspired younger kids. Having a model helped me stay focused through high school and earn the scholarship I desired.

And then when God led me into teaching, He placed me with Brigid, a creative teaching genius. So I taught like she taught. I watched, absorbed, mimicked, and noted all she did in the classroom. Her influence helped me see that teaching could be fun, not just work.

But the truth is, I don't have to be any of these ladies. I am learning that it is okay to blaze my own trail. To do this stay at home mom thing my way. To make it my own. And this is what it looks like so far...

I wake up to at least one girl in bed with me, I enjoy two full cups of coffee, sometimes I brush my teeth before lunch (I know that's gross!), my house is constantly peppered with tiny animals, doll clothes and puzzle pieces. And marker lids! I get to volunteer to "watch the girls" for a friend so she can go to a meeting, meals are planned in advance, and sometimes I walk into my bedroom to find this...

Or this...

And I am again washed with gratitude. I have a home, a family, food, clothes, moments, memories, eyesight, ears that hear....and fear takes a backseat to all that goodness.