Monday, April 25, 2011

a time out

my arms keep sliding off the desk I am so tired... i am a bobble head doll...

nick woke me up from nyquil sleep..doc needs to talk to us

computer room, x-rays, explanation

"muscles aren't designed to work that hard for that long. we don't want her body to wear itself out and quit, so we are going to give her a break by putting the breathing tube back in."

hold it together, Mandy

"this is not a set back, more like a time out so she doesn't get too tired."

That sums it up. I went back to her bedside where she eagerly hugged me. I tried to distract her from the swarm of nurses entering her room like busy bees hovering over their queen. i told her they were here to check the batteries and fix the tv. I told her the nurse was cleaning her iv port when she was really giving her the sedatives. Then Dr. Q stood from the couch where he was overseeing the busy hum, touched me on the shoulder and said, "OK Mom."

I am still reeling with Nyquil and the walk down the hallway, all alone, felt like a drunken stagger.

We are praying now and ask that you do the same. At this point, they are doing for her what she can not do by herself.

Please leave your prayers in the comment box after you lift them up to the Lord. Reading your words helps me...


  1. Remember that we are all sharing the load you feel and God is actually carrying all of it. Easier said that done, I know. We are your prayer warriors. All my LOVE!

  2. Oh Mandy! If I had known Sooner... We are all praying... Harper is on my heart and prayers are on my lips NONSTOP. every time I think of her I lift her up in prayer. You know how much I love that little girl... I have told the boys that she is in the hospital so the Dr's can help her fight an infection and they are praying too. We are here if you need anything my friend. I will keep checking in here, and I talked to Jessica a little while ago. I don't want to bother you, so I won't keep calling, but you call me any time of the day or night that you need someone to talk to or pray with. We love you so much!!!!!

  3. Add Don and me to your list of Prayer Warriors. We love you guys & cherish the giggles we have shared w/you & Harper. We ask our Dear God to send Harper & Mommie & Daddy, on Dr.'s orders soon, to crash btwn those "smell like home" clean sheets with Baylor where you all can be serenaded to sleep by a cicada chorale. Faith & Peace, dear sweet Mandy! Alicia

  4. Hello...I'm a friend of Brooke & Jerrell. Just wanted to let ya know I'm praying strength, peace and comfort for you, your husband & your sweet baby girl.

    Prayers coming from West Texas...

  5. We are praying hard over here on Hodges Ave!

  6. Father God,

    As so many have done before me, I come to You right now pleading for the returned health of beautiful Harper. As I read these posts I can't help but think about You watching Your own Son suffer and what a dark day that must have been even for the God of the universe. The God who holds the entire world in His hands allowing His only Son to endure such anguish because You love us more than we could even deserve or repay. Because we know this, we know that you understand the pain and helplessness Mandy and Nick are feeling right now.

    I know that it is out of Your great love for Your children that You hear the cries of our hearts as we ask for you to be the Great Physician and Prince of Peace for this little girl and her family. I thank You that Your Word says that You never leave us, that You know every detail of our lives, and You hear us even when we have run out of words to speak.

    Lord, strengthen Mandy and Nick. Provide the doctors and nurses with the knowledge they need to make the best decisions. Place Your unmistakable hand of comfort and healing on Harper's body as You wrap Your loving arms around her.


    Mandy, you are loved and are being covered in prayer. I pray that you are able to find some rest in that.

  7. Dear Heavenly Father,

    I thank you today for the family and friends of this sweet family that continue to lift them up in prayer, both far and near. I pray that this day You would comfort the hearts of those who are hurting and that You would make Your presence strongly felt and unquestionably known. I ask that You would give the doctors wisdom as we seek to find healing for this precious little baby girl. We continue to pray for comfort and encouragement that we know only You can provide.

    I know, dear Lord, Your love is mighty and for this I am grateful. Please wrap your loving arms around my sweet girl and give her the strength she needs to be her amazing mommy-self.
    Mandy, we love you and Nick. Rest when you can, eat when you don't want to and know you are loved dearly by many. Harper IS strong and IS a fighter, she couldn't be your (both you and Nick's) daughter and not be. She's come so far, she'll keep on! Take care of yourselves so you can take care of her.
    Love you!
    Stacy (and the rest of the Gilbert clan)

  8. Hi Mandy. I am a friend of a friend and you dont know me but I am praying for your precious Harper and for yours and Nicks strength through this. I live in Shreveport (about 15 minutes from the hospital) and am willing to help with anything you may need. I know that you dont want to leave your sweet baby's side so if you need anything at all I would be happy to bring it to the hospital for you. I can't imagine being in the position that you are in and I admire your strength. Again, your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

  9. Mandy my heart is breaking for you! I read your blog and it brings me back to where we were a few months ago. So much of Harper's story is similar to Gage's, just different infections. The tubes, ventilator, IV's, central lines, antibiotics, blood work, radiology reports, rounds with doctors when you are so tired and emotionally drained you don't know if this is really happening or you are on an episode of Grey's Anatomy. At times you feel like why is this happening to someone who is so pure and innocent? Is there something I could have done different? When will this whole nightmare be over? This is just part of the emotional rollercoaster that will soon be over? I hear it in your writing. I wish I could come to the hospital and just give you a big hug and let you know everything will be okay. Harper sound like a FIGHTER and when you have this many people praying for her, nothing can go wrong. I have told you this before GOD is the BEST PHYSICIAN out there and he performs miracles daily. You guys will get through this and your beautiful baby girl will be home with you in no time. Please keep me posted. Praying on my knees daily and I have passed Harper's story on to many prayer warriors as well. You are covered in Houston! :) Love you guys XOXO

  10. Mandy,

    Harper is being worked on by doctors and nurses who have spent hours upon hours upon hours to prepare for this moment, saving lives. She has thousands upon thousands of prayers being lifted up by friends and family. And more importantly, she is in great hands- the Lord's hands. Hang in their sweet mama. She gets her fight from you and you are probably the toughest person i know. Your family is so loved!

  11. Mandy and Nick-

    Our family is reaching out to you across the miles with prayers for your sweet baby Harper's return to health. We have full faith that God will do the great things in this time of need. I agree fully with one of the comments above that pointed out that she is in the hands of doctors and nurses who have prepared for years for this moment, and they are led by the hands of God in their work. We will continue to pray for her, and for all of you. Hang in there, this is the toughest thing you have been given to do in your lives, but she needs you more than ever to be strong for her. We know you will. We love you.
    The Meadows

  12. Mandy,

    We are praying for your little girl. You and your family are on our minds.

  13. Jesus Loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are WEAK but He is strong. Yes, Jesus love me, yes, Jesus loves me, Yes, Jesus love me the Bible tells me so. Sing it over and over in your mind and to is true. We are weak
    and scared in our own strenght, but He is strong for us even when we cant ask. Praying and loving you all.

  14. When I came by this morning, I was so relieved to hear that you were sleeping--no, really, more like passed out--but you so needed it. Your mom caught me up on the situation and I know that all of you are so tired, but we're holding you up so that you can keep putting one foot in front of the other because that's the way you are all going to walk out of this. Please know that all of Northeast Louisiana is praying for you. Really. The Northeast Louisiana Emmaus Community has you on their prayer chain. So does Chatham 1st United Methodist Church. Calvary, Fellowship, so many others. We're holding all of you up. Please know that you are never far from our thoughts. Love and prayers, Lala

  15. Father, you are in CONTROL. You brought us these babies straight from Your Hands. Please help Mandy and Nick see that nothing does not reach us before it has to pass through Your gaze and Your fingertips. I know they feel like the future feels heavy and strained. Let them feel Your touch, Your presence. And this may downright suck, but ultimately Your devine purpose has brought them to this point. May they feel the LOVE through all this hurt. Reassure them that so many people are behind them, praying, hoping, wishing and knowing MIRACLES do happen. You are so wonderful, Lord. You bless us with these babies, Your Gift to us from Heaven. When they are sick, our world seems to fade away. May this moment bring us all closer to You through this sweet baby, Harper. We know you are in control, but Lord, please reassure and pour your love over the entire Cauley family. Let us have faith and hope in You forever. Amen!

  16. Mandy,
    I am a friend of Stacy Gilbert and just wanted you to know that I'm praying for Harper and for you and your family.

    Dear Father,
    I trust that You are in control and I pray that You will let Harper and her parents know that You have got this. Let them know that You are the Great Physician. Help them to know your peace that passes all understanding and please give them your strength. Help them to have renewed hope from moment to moment. And especially, God, please heal your sweet child, Harper. And soon please, Father.

    In Jesus' name I pray,

  17. I have chill bumps as I read through your comments. So so so many people are praying for your family.
    Dear Lord God,
    We know that you are in control. I pray that you hold Nick and Mandy in your arms oh so tightly. Please allow them to feel your presence constantly. Please be with the doctors that are helping sweet Harper to the road of recovery. Her little body can only take so much and you know this. I pray over the entire Cauley family as well as the staff at Suttons. Please place your healing hand on Harper. We ask this of you, Father. Thank you for all the prayer warriors out there who are steadily praying. In your name, amen.

    Love you, Mandy!!

  18. Always praying for your sweet little Harper! I just know she is going to kick this infections butt! Know that I miss you and love you so much. If there is Anything I can do please let me know. Please give Harper a big hug and kiss for me.

  19. Amanda, I prayed the same prayer I prayed ten weeks ago when I thought my mom had terminal cancer.

    Lord Jesus, if you are going to prepare a place for Harper, I ask, no beg you to reconsider. Allow Harper's days on this Earth to be many. Allow her days to be many so that she can be a testament, tangible proof of Your power, mercy and grace. Allow her days to be many so that she can exalt Your name. Allow her days to be many so that she can be a blessing to her parents and baby sister. Allow her days to be many so that she can raise children who love, honor and worship You. In Your name, I humbly pray.

  20. I do not know you but Amy Scharf sent me a note to send to our prayer team. I just sent out a prayer request for your precious little girl and many, many will be praying for her, for you and your husband and for her doctor and those attending her. Healing is on the way!! We have about 130 on our prayer list and many of those send it out to their list so by the end of a day you could have 400 or 500 people praying for all of you!! God is good!! Ginny Evans

  21. Nick and Mandy-

    Please know that me and my family are praying many times daily for Harper and you guys. We are praying specifically for her strength and healing. We are praying for strength for each of you. Finally we are praying for the people that God has placed to care for her. Please let us know if we can help in any other way.


  22. Mandy, my prayers have been with all of you andwill not stop until we get our little wildflower right back where she belongs. God so hears the prayers of little children, and Ms. Renee's wildflowers will pray for Harper each day on circle until she is back with us. Please tell her I love her very much and am holding her close in my heart.

    Big hugs,

  23. Mandy,

    As a friend of a friend, we are strangers - but as a Mama, we are the same. My heart breaks for you as I read your posts. As a very "type A" person, I know that helplessness and complete dependency on others (doctors) is excruciating. And personally, "Letting go and Letting God" isn't always easy either. But as you have seen and as you obviously believe, our faith in God and his power and mercy are more powerful than any other.

    A few weeks ago a friend of mine was in your shoes. Her 3 year old son had a cough for a few weeks, then a fever and so on. They diagnosed him with 2 different types pneumonia in both lungs and sent him to Children's in Dallas. ICU ward, ventilator, tubes, monitors, tests, fear, tears - and prayers were their world for a week. Until reading your blog, I'd never seen such an outpouring of prayers and emotional support.

    That little boy is at home now - Praise God. He hears our prayers, cries and desperation - carries them and shoulders our pain. He is there with you, with Harper with the doctors. You all are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

    Dear Lord - I pray that you would wrap your arms around Harper and this family. I pray for your healing power to overcome and heal Harper's illness.
    Give Mandy and Nick peace, rest and strength to withstand and bear the storm - Give Harper the strength to fight off the illness - Give the doctors the knowledge and instruments to pursue the most effective treatment.
    We know that your love saves us daily, and I ask for that love for this family now more than ever.


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