Saturday, April 30, 2011

Soul Surfer

When I teach writing I try to encourage my students not to start their writing with a question. If we practiced that technique then I would be looking at hooks like this: Have you ever had a bad dream? Do you know someone that makes a difference? For the struggling writer I accept them, but for those with a stronger skill set I try to encourage them to do more with their opener.

Today I am a struggling writer. Today I will start with a question.

Did you know a heart can break just after it has been put back together? I know. I am there, rather, I am here. Here in the same hospital room with competent nurses and guardian angels. We are here and I will tell you, honestly, I am glad to be here because a few minutes ago when I reached my limit and slumped into a ball on the couch, a loving nurse sat by her bedside stroking her hair and holding her hand. I am a weakling.

Today we are walking through a different kind of nightmare. But even in this horrific dream I can still praise God that she is breathing! Praise God for improved lungs! I will praise you in the storm. Now our storm consists of an ugly word. A word so ugly that reality shows are made centering around the nasty effects of this word.


Today this is my least favorite word. As a matter of fact I loathe this word.

The last leg of this race is detox which means getting all of the narcotics and sedatives used to calm her out of her little body for good. FYI - she was taking a dose large enough for 4 grown men. This is ugly. No mom is ever prepared to go through the storm we've experienced. But no mom is EVER prepared to see the nasty effects of these drugs seeping through the veins of their little one. Withdrawal is a beast made of twitching limbs, rolling eyes, delirium, restlessness, irritability, spasms, irrational cries, and blurred vision. She has been battling these hateful warriors since 9pm last night. She has slept 15 minutes since midnight. She is still fighting this battle.

Since being weaned from the drugs her speech has lost some meaning. Night before last she thought she was part of the movie Soul Surfer, which I had taken her, as well as 40 girls from Dubach, to see on the Friday before she got so sick. The Friday she started running fever. She kept talking about catching the big wave, how she wanted to go back out there. That is so her. It seems crazy now, thinking back to the movie. I sobbed through the entire thing, holding my cherub in my lap, thinking about the mom and how strong she had to be for her daughter, Bethany. I sobbed at Bethany's strength, determination and faith. During the movie Harper said aloud, "When is it going to be happy again?" Oh sweetie, I wish I knew. I am so ready for happy. Now her delusional mind seems to be stuck in the movie with sharks, waves and a brave girl. She is the brave girl. I am trying to be the brave Mama.


  1. Praying for you, brave Mama. Lots of hugs.

  2. Mandy, You don't know me...I used to work with Bri at the salon in Crandall and my sister graduated with Nick and I graduated with Clint. But I must tell you I am praying for Harper and you. As I sit here with tears streaming down my face because I cannot imagine going thru this whirlwind of emotion, hardache, sickness of a little one. But Please know we do serve a MIGHTY big God, and He knows the plans He has for sweet Harper. I will continue to pray and read your blog for updates and will rejoice when she goes home.
    Love in Christ, Amanda Hull

  3. Mandy, I am still praying for your family and for sweet Harper. I check your blog every day for an update and sometimes several times a day. Harpers story has hit close to home for me. I have an almost 5 year old little girl and she has lots of respiratory trouble, so Harper has been in my thoughts a lot lately. Know that I will continue to pray until that angel is home!

  4. I'm so grateful for all the good news and I know that you are all going to walk through the new challenge just as you have the others. It's so wonderful from this point of view to have the hope that the worst is behind you and that you are cresting the hill for the downward slope. We're all still praying. Hang in there. Love and prayers, Lala

  5. I am praying for your family! You are such a blessing to your sweet baby girl!

  6. hang in there mama!!! Still praying!! love you!

  7. You are braver and stronger than ever. I know you don't feel it, but I see it! So proud of you, Mandy! Little Harper is a FIGHTER! Love, Hannah

  8. Mandy we are continuing to pray for sweet Harper! The storm is almost over and the pretty blue clouds are rising!! I thank God for all He has done through this storm, it will only be when you get to heaven that you truly see the impact that this has made in so many lives!! It has not been easy, but God's grace is sufficient! You and your family are an awesome blessing to many! Praying without ceasing!


    Your Daylight Family

  9. I hope she continues to improve. I am praying that there is a chance she will make it back to school before we leave on vacation (May 19th). I know it can take quite a while to recover from plain old pneumonia, never mind what she has.


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