Wednesday, May 25, 2011


It has been a very long day. Again.

Nick and my mom were both here last night and I was disillusioned in thinking that their presence would equate sleep for me. I had big plans of a dark, cold hotel room where I would sleep deeply with Nick by my side knowing Harper was being cared for by my mom. She wasn't having it. Fit throwing seems to be her only means of controlling anything right now in an environment that is out of control by all of us. It was like an F4 on the Fit Scale. My insides shattered but I held firm to the voice inside of me that said, "You need some rest. Go. She will be fine." Then she clung to me in a starfish grip, wailing, "Mama don't go. My heart will be broken if you go. I need you here with me."

It was a long night on the blow up mattress. When Nick got up to comfort her each time a nurse came in to check her vitals, I would sink down a few inches only to pop up again when he returned. I cried for over an hour because each time my eyes closed I would see Baylor's sweet eyes looking up at me. I was a pathetic, blubbering, snotty mess until I somehow exhausted myself into sleep.

This morning was our first attempt at oral antibiotics. We bribed, coached, and encouraged for over an hour before we ordered another iv bag. She just couldn't do it and my heart broke yet again after she apologized for throwing up the drug chased with Sprite. Enough.

Blah,blah,blah... it was a rough afternoon too but I just want to try to forget it.

Good news! Her inflammatory markers are down and she has been fever free for 24 hours. The plan was to send her home with oral antibiotics, but we will just deal with the pic line for a couple more weeks. Sniff, sniff...beach trip will have to be rescheduled. Oh well. We are going home tomorrow! Again. Home! HOME! Again I will get to reunite with my little one. Again I will be peppered with her kisses and get all gooey inside when she hugs her big sissy. Anticipation overflows onto the keyboard.

I could write so much more about what I can't wait to get back to, but I've got a sparkly manicure and Justin Beaver waiting on me...."You smile, I smile,"... again.


  1. Continuing to pray. For so many things....and for you to get some sleep. And to hug Baylor tighter than ever. Glad y'all are coming home tmrw. Many many hugs!!

  2. There is a UPS pkg being delivered to you guys at the hospital tomorrow morning before 10:30. I hope it brings big smiles and a fresh breath to you and Harper. We are continuing to pray for you all. In our prayers tonight kora, my 3 yr old, said, "an him wap hims arms around her and keep her better an safe. Amen. Yay!".... Translation: "God we ask that you wrap your arms around Harper, heal her and keep her safe."

  3. Still praying for you guys and sweet Harper! So glad to hear you are coming home. I will continue to pray and ask GOD to wrap his arms around Harper and continue to heal her! GOD IS GOOD!! He has reasons for everything. Two years ago yesterday, we lost our son in an ATV accident. Adam would have been 21 then. But I have learned since then that GOD does answer prayers and he will! And I am sure you know that. Stay strong- the storm will soon be over! Love and lots of hugs coming your way!


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