nurse badge

My creamer is still in the fridge along with my sample packet of conditioner in the family shower. Evidence of our first visit remains like a welcoming committee along with the familiar faces of doctors and nurses we've grown to trust. Yes, we are back at Sutton's. This time, however, is better. I find that funny to say, or type...a better visit to the PICU. But it's reality. This time isn't as bad as the first time. This time I drove us over, no texting involved. I'm not sayin' I obeyed the speed limit; that is what emergency flashers are for, right? My hands gripped 10 and 2 firmly unless I got behind a reluctant driver, then I looked as if I was swatting flies trying to shoo them into the other lane. Then, as I passed, I would look over my right shoulder and smile sweetly while mouthing words of gratitude through a grim expression.

Last night was rough for her simply because "we are back in the hospital!" She didn't have any new complications. Her fever came down promptly. She ate a yummy dinner. She watched a couple of movies after Idol. What she didn't do was sleep...all night long. Ok realistically, maybe an hour. ..or two. That means I didn't either, of course, because she needs me. She needs me to hold her sweet hand, help her go potty, straighten the covers, take the covers off, fluff her pillow, move her pillow. You get the idea. Mom, that'd be me, IS the best nurse and I am slowly accepting that title and wearing it proudly, like a new badge on my Mom Scout Vest. I'm earning it, working for it and will have to prove my skill. And I can promise you that for a while this will be the badge I'm most proud of. This badge means more than the "Takes Cute Photos" badge or the "I Did Insanity" badge. This badge is making me dig deep. This is a gut level badge, soul level.

And while I'm learning just how much she needs me, even more present is my need for her. My Harper. My firstborn baby. My curly headed, blue eyed, dimple cheeked firecracker. She is mine. She is my first "Best" badge and Baylor is my second "Best" badge. Two equal badges that happened to come at different times.

This time things look better. Literally. Her xray and ultrasound did not reveal anything new. She still has pneumonia and needs iv antibiotics to keep it at bay. Her fever is down, thanks to Motrin, Tylenol, and a room resembling a meat locker. She is currently watching Nemo surrounded by her halo of blonde frizzies. Again, home is on the horizon. Possibly tomorrow. This time we will take the iv antibiotics with us. I wish we could pack us a few nurses from here to go home with us, but we will hopefully find someone near home to visit and teach me how to be an even better nurse. I can do this, for her.